Fail

“Budsjettsprekka i desember vil bli av ukjende proposjonar.” Det rapporterar administrerande direktör i Kristian Andreas Voldnes F/U.

Seriøst, eg må sikkert ta drastiske tiltak i bruk, spesielt om tannlekjarkontoret sender rekning i desember! Eig gåve i gult og kvitt med hint av svart, heller nøytral lukt i trass noko syrleg boquet og trasig konsistens. Det heile pakka inn i tidsriktig kvit med plastikk og kvalitetsmerka med “B-Économique”. That’s trouble, right there!
Ei rekning frå den kanten vil setje meg økonomisk or spel, med mindre eg kan betale med desemberløna som eg mottek i januar. Eg trur ei runde med telefonering er naudsynt.
Men so har eg faktisk i augeblinken pengar til å betala tannlekjaren OG Eiksundsambandet, men eg treng ein legetime i desember, og etter det har eg forhåpentleg ein resept på tøysedrops med beroligande virkning som skal kjøpast or apoteket, og om eg spelar korta mine riktigt skal eg få måle leiligheita mi når eg endeleg får ho no i slutten or november. Det vil koste meg pengar alt i hop, og etter Eiksundsambandet har klart å finne ut kvar eg bur, og sende meg purrefaktura, trur eg nok at eg skal klare å bruke dei resterande pengane på dei vettuge føremåla der.

Det som bekymrar meg, er sjølvsagt julegåvene, og eg fryktar at eg må strykje nokre namn or lista, eventuelt gjere modereringar i innhald. Eg har per dags dato ei fullkomen liste over kva som skal til kven, og vil aller nødigst ta i bruk korrektur på dette. Men, som dei sei i helse-Noreg, må ein so må ein, *chop-chopery-chop*.

Eg har sjølvsagt tenkt over det å skaffe kredittkort som eg vil bruke i London slik at eg får rekninga i januar utan at rentene har fått tid nok til å verkeleg gå bananas. Då kaneg bruke ca. halve Londonbudsjettet på gåver og rekningar. Pluss at eg får høve til å gå inn i 2010 med gjeld! Wee! Og eg kan sleppe å tenkje for mykje på budsjettet der borte, då kan eg liksom bruke litt av pengane i januar i desember liksom. Det vil bere betre heile turen trur eg.
Og kven veit, kanhende eg går inn i januar med høgare løn og sikra arbeid?

Little miss USA

Me not get point! Honestly, the whole thing is arranged for ugly parents to show off their less ugly offspring! Future silicone babes! I cannot see the facination! “Oh, she loves these pageants, because then she can feel like a real princess!” Princess! Like a REAl princess! Does the woman even know what a princess does?? Yes, some times princesses wear nice dresses and are generally wearing nice clothes, but they don’t dress up in an enormous pink polyester composition that sparkles, put on a huuuge smile and stroll over a podium in front of people while being described as a person that “enjoys taking baths, singing, dancing and fingerpainting and when she grows up she wants to be a ballerina.” I am personally insulted as a royalist to see that grown up women who are allowed to breed can possibly belive that this is the way to be a princess!

Do they even consider how this sort of competition affects their children?  All the make-up? The hair? The nails? They are but trained monkeys! Or even more accurate, contestants in a dog show. Hours of hairspray, perfume, self-tanning lotion, foundation, lipstick, consealers, blush, rouge and all that jazz just to walk in on the podium and back to your mother, while a group of unattractive old people are judging them and giving them points. Imagine how the child reacts! I am convinced that these children are going to suffer from either extremely high og very low self-esteem. I think it is time for someone to do something! Hello social services! The children should be removed from these parents as they are very much responsible for destroying their child. I do not see how dressing them up and showing them off is going to have a positive effect on them. The parent might feel better about her/him self, but the child is doomed to be a difficult one as they grow up thinking that the exterior is all that matters, and that they are more beautiful thatn everybody else and better than everybody else. Why not wait until they are old enough to make their own decitions, then you can send them off to miss teen USA or something and know that it is something they want themselves and not because mama wants the neighbours to admire her. One of the girls I have just seen on the telly, looked like a doll. Orange skin, with blond hair that was bigger than her head, red lips, blue eyes, teeth unnaturally white and dress with cleavage(Point being??) and a perfect performance. She was apparently attending several of these freak-shows annually! She won the whole thing in her division, but later the judges discussed it and gave the title to the first runer up, but allowed “Story”(the orange doll) to keep her crown so she wouldn’t get sad. The mother actually didn’t tell Story about this because she would not understand that it was not her that won, and would not remember the exact pageant either, the mother explained. It is clear to me that the poor girl is not going to run for president as long as her mother has her living off carrots and water and refuses to let the girl leave the house unless she is attending another beauty competition.

And just to point out the extreme ridicule of it all, the divitions where: 0-2 yrs, 2-4yrs(toddler division) and 4-6yrs. Babies were wearing pink dresses and make-up and was carried by their parents out in front of the judges. SICK! I call it, completely twisted! At least the dogs get to socialize during these competitions, and the owner is judged as well. In this macabre show, the fugly creators and owners were safely hidden from view behind the curtain, aggressive and irritated at their children for not performing to their sky-high expectations.

My conclution was after ten minutes: Put the parents in a cage and let the children back into their natural habitat, where competition is based on skill and not genes.(But they do actually deserve a prize though.. The girls were very cute and beautiful when not dressed up and painted like some 15yr old girl, and this in spite of rather not so nice looking parents!)

Eit spørsmål om pengar

Pengar eg heller festlige greier, det kan anten vere det som gjev deg livet eller tek det bort, som gjev deg moglegheiter eller brutalt kastar deg ut i ein sump av gjeld, inkassovarsel og salg av nyrer og prosistusjon bak Kiwi. Eg for min del får inn ei grei mengd i månaden, men etter dei første dagane etter at løna er komen inn på konto er pengane straks på like lavt nivå som Jehovas vitner i bursdagsselskap. Skremande.

Det heile har faktisk blitt heller verre no når eg set opp budsjett, held det og fører reknskap. Eg grøssar kvar gong eg ser over verket mitt, og finn ut at ikkje berre har pengane silt stille og rolegt ut or alle fire kontoane mine, men jammen er dei ikkje gått til vettuge formål også! Straum, leige, gjeldsnedbetaling, Londontur, julegåver, bensin, mat(minste posten, faktisk), Tren, Vinmonopolet… You name it, it’s there. Og skal sant seiast so kan ein bønt å lure, kvar skal eg ta kinobilettane frå? Eg har nemleg satt opp enkelte faste postar i budsjettet: Husleige, straum, gjeld, psykolog, Tren. Det som er att etter dette blir satt opp i eit eige budsjett med utgongspunkt i dei pengane som blir att etter at det første er betalt. Då kjem postane Vinmonopolet, bensin og mat opp. No når eg skal til London er det satt av eigne postar til den turen pengemessigt i Desemberbudsjettet, og julegåvene vart klargjorde på badegolvet hass far på slutten or Oktober, so det er i orden og skal kjøpast i to omgongar: Noreg i november og London i desember. Enklet og greitt:) Men moro utanom Londonweekenden min det har eg ikkje mykje plass til. Men fram til no har eg heller ikkje hatt noko større behov for å gå på kino, og nøyer meg med ei flaske vin saman med dei få venene eg har her heime som ikkje er spredde utover Noreg som bistandspengane utover verda.

Og, nei. Eg er ikkje blant topp 10 på Vinmonopolet si liste over kundar per liter. Heller på topp 10 kundar per besøk, og det er meir pengar til bensin enn alkohol i budsjettet. Mat blir litt vanskeleg planlagt grunna mix, for der settjast mat på kontoen der, som trekkjast or løna mi, so då blir det mindre å kjøpe inn. Men eg skal endre denne vetle trenden min. Definitivt på veg mot eit betre liv, er eg! Og klarer eg å halde budsjettering og reknskap inn i nyåret, so er eg øve verste kneika(tolv veker) og vil antakleg halde denne skikken resten or livet.(Wee! Økonom… Er det eit greit betalt yrkje, tru?)

"Pengar er betre enn fattigdom, om so berre av økonomiske grunnar."
-Woody Allen

Korleis funkar dette?

Heile blogginga ville vore mykje enklare hadde eg visst korsleis ein fekk til forskjelligt… Eg lyt prøve meg fram trur eg. Ingen annan utveg.

OKIDOKI! Fann ut ei masse bere takka vere mi evne til å trykkje på knappar! Wee!

Booze, naughty words and a dash of fatigue…

First, I am completely aware that I have used the phrase ’sodd it’, a naughty phrase, and the explaination is simply that after having attempted to make Gin & Tonic a possible alternative to ‘kristian.wordpress.com’ -very dull- I simply had had enough and typed ’sodd it’. The plan you see, was that if this name was also taken, I would simply do the create-a-blog ritual tomorrow or thursday or any other day when I am not tired and in a bad mood surrounded by several boxes, empty and full(I’m monig, you see), waiting for the spotify bitchtrollfromhell to shut it and let my playlist do it’s thing. But it was actually accepted(to my astonishment) and thus here we are, a blog named Gin & Tonic on a naughty phrase adress…

Second, I won’t be writing in english all the time, just wanted to do that now, after all the whole thing is named Gin & Tonic, a very english drink and one that actually gives a hint of who/what I am: The Gin, by some described as liquid Christmas tree, and by others as total crap, is something I belive is going to be one of my own personal favourite spirits. Loads of ingredients, several recipes, hundreds of producers and either loved or hated and usually makes quite an impression. Mix this with the horrible tonic water and add a slice of lemon and some ice, stirr and enjoy. Lovely. I think that gin and tonic water makes a nice blend, but separately they are not that enjoyable. I have been spotted mouthing the Bombay saphire, but honestly, that only happened once, and there had been some schweppes involved wich made the whole thing a tad more effortlessly possible. But being completely exhausted, I have now completely messed this up, and the point has allready been brutally printed in words in the part about the gin. I had planned to explain that I am a G&T, made up of several ingredients that are separately either nice or not so nice(tonic water*urgh*) but when stirred togehter, a match made in heaven. And of course, some likes the g&t, others absolutely dislikes it. Completely understadable. But have you ever stopped and rather started thinking: Does the drink like YOU?

Now, as I am reading this badly written first post of mine(sorry about the lack of full stops and spelling errors and made up word combinations) I am really starting to feel my eye lids becoming heavier and heavier. I think it is time to say good night and turn in.

-”Oh,let’s have a gin and tonic!” , The Queen mother